capri suns!

are amazing.

well you updated yours so i figured i must do something w mines too.

i am doing amazing. im not married and pregnant like you but im happy. i had been content w my life the past couple months. but i always felt like something was missing. i knew what it was. but i didnt want to admit it to myself until recently. i have a life, i have friends that love me..and friends that i love. but still, i felt something was missing. and i realize now what it was. as much as i thought i did not want you in my life, now that you are again...its like everything is how it should be.

im glad we are friends again.

i know you were fine w out me. and i was good w out you. but i think now that were good again..i just think its better for both of us.    :)))))))

we have both changed. and we are both better and more independent. both happy. both grown up. everything is going to be much much better. i know it.

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since i got my license i have actually had a life. and let me tell you it has been amazing. i have met a few guys but still none of them mean more than just friends to me. maybe everyone is right, im STILL not ready to move on. but i wish i was. i want to..my head is screaming at me...its saying listen you dumb fuck, this is totally pointless, this is absolutely stupid, get past this and move the fuck on. and my heart knows too, but its like i still cant shake him.

i was talking to this guy, josh, for a while. but then i realized hes more like a friend. super sweet guy. then i went to the bar one night and talked to this guy riley..but im over that. i really liked dawn's friend jack but she told me that he was no good. but he was SO hot. which leads me to randy. hes super good looking. i have thought that from the moment i saw him. but like when i think about it he really isnt my type. hes a sweetheart. but hes got 2 damn kids from 2 different ladies. he dated dawn who is my best friend. like really, i dont see this happening. but at the same time, i want him in my life. we were txting earlier and i was telling him how badly i want him to go to kareoke night because i love spending time w him. i kind of feel like i am using him because i basically only like spending time w him because he likes me and it makes me feel wanted. which doesnt really happen that often. and last but not least, chris. i first met him he was cool. ((dawn's bro-dawg btw)) and then he started to like me then he got annoying as FUCK. like no joke. so then he got this gf. and he was totally cool around me again. so i talked to him more because he had calmed down and wasnt trying to like impress me or anything. but me talking to him again gave him the impression that i liked him. then his gf and him broke up. and he tried again to pursue me because he thought i dug him. so he got annoying again. for a little while i thought i did like him. but then i realized i didnt. i just think hes a cool guy. and hes super protective of his sis because something happened and he messaged me and was like i just dont want this to ruin you and dawn's friendship because your friendship makes my sister so happy and i have not seen her this happy in a long time. ((because her boyfriend is a piece of shit)) and i was like dude our friendship is not in jeapardy because of what happened. so thats the just. new friends and new boys. and new toys. lol.

well thats it. deuces.

blue and yellow purple pills

fun fun

so last night i had so much fun w my family. strange to say because im usually sick of them! lmao. but it was my uncles bday and my aunt lori came up from arkansas. and they had a little birthday party for them at the bar. go figure my family=alcoholics. lmao jk. so i went over to my uncles house early so i could see my aunt! yay life. then we all went to the murray bar. and i would love to say that i got ridiculously drunk. but im such a light weight anymore. i had a beer at my uncle's house. then i had two cranberry vodkas and that was it. lmao. sad for me. but i had so much fun w my aunt. we were talking about how back in the 70s all the guys had nick names so they could talk to each other on the cb radios. like my uncle was slippery. and booger was there last night((nice huh??)) and rabbit and ock. which i dont even know wtf ock is. and dannie hillman was there((future father in law!! lmao jk)) and he couldnt remember his nick name but my aunt did. and it was hood man. and i was like WTF is that dannie?!?! haha. my mom and aunt had nick names too which i found hilarious. mom didnt remember but lori did. mom was blonde bomber. and lori was pavement princess. wtf is that? by the end of the night i was calling her princess pavement. she was like dammit i knew i shouldnt have told you. i love it tho! made me laugh a lot.

so ish has been pretty boring lately but i couldnt really be happier either way. talked to stephanie yesterday. she is still a hoot even tho its rare we talk. like i just always end up laughing my ASS off when i am w her. then last wednesday night i stayed w kt because mom had her mammo thurs and wasnt coming to work. and that was a good time. went out to dinner and got fuller than i ever have been in my life. i really thought i was gonna spew everywhere. and then our dumbasses go to maurices and go shopping...who does that?! lmao. spent $109 tho. woulda been more w/o the gift card tho. then we went to target and goofed off because that is what kt and i do best. lmao. goooood times.   :)

im fuckin tired. think ima go back to bed! hah.

oh ya ps! my ipod touch rox my socks off. i have it w me at all times. i spent SO much on music its insane.

how

how can you do that to me?

on my birthday?

what kind of friend does that?

i guess not a good one?

how the fuck can do you that???

the one thing/person i thought i could always count on....fucks me over...again...the story of our friendship i guess. words cant express what i am feeling right now.

and YOU dont even care. thanks a lot "best friend"..."sister"

i cant even believe this is happening.

life

has a funny way of....slapping you in the face.

this past week has been one of the worst i have had in a long LONG time. 

i cannot seem to pick a good friend to save my life.  i did in las vegas.  but since i have been here?  idk anymore.  i thought that all my friends were amazing and now...no one wants to be my friend...and i dont know who i even want to be friends with.  isnt that the worst thing ever.  =/  fuck it.  i wish i could say i dont care anymore but anyone who knows me knows that friends mean so much to me.  SO much.

in other news, i started talking to a boy.  chris.  hes super nice.  he works with katie at blockbuster...and he is MUCH better than joe.  like i am actually attracted to chris.  and this hasnt happened since alex.  i mean....the attraction is nothing compared to alex...but im still attracted to him.  so i mean...thats good.  lol.  i am not sure that i am ever going to find another guy like alex. 

started talking to eva again.  we eml at work.  i miss that girl way a lot.  she is doing really good and i am glad.

i am considering coming out for my birfday...we will see.  if not, fa sho next like...may again.  wee.  i should just be saving my dollars to MOVE back.  and i am.  i dont spend my money at all anymore.  i might need to start buying clothes for the winter since its so FUCKING cold here.  lol.

anyhow, i just got on here to read my sister's blog...so then i thought i would write a little somethin myself.  and i wrote it.  so peace.  =)